alongthelinesof

I took my PM workout at my school’s newly built mega gym AKA bro nation.  It has a pretty typical big box gym feel to it, so I usually just take lighter workouts there when I need to have a change of scenery or just don’t want to be in an empty gym by myself at night.  Here you will see your typical “bench press bros” hittin’ 3 plates on that decline bench with the thumbs out, brother.  You’ll see the “abs only bros” usually accompanied by his scantily clad platinum blonde “half squats and lunges only” girlfriend.  But, I’ve begun to see a growing number of a new phenotype of bromosapien, the “ultra functional bro.”  This particular brand of bro will quickly pace around the facility in his newly purchased Vibram Five fingers (which I WAS a fan of before I ripped the seams on mine while jumping down from a pull-up bar) occasionally looking down at his stop watch from time while measuring his pulse on his carotid.  This particular type of bro takes functional fitness to new heights by doing his bicep curls while standing on one foot on a bosu ball.  This bro is far too functional for lat pull-downs or even regular pull-ups.  He gets his functional lat jack by attaching bands to the pull-up bar and begins doing lat pull-downs ON the pull-up bar.  That’s fuckin’ smart.

I suppose I shouldn’t talk.  As I sit behind the comfort and safety of my computer screen on my hatin’ couch, I, like a douche, have a youtube video of myself doing overhead squats on a swiss ball.  And although these were done out of sheer amusement and stupidity, this leads me to come to a number of conclusions.  1) I believe that it’s not silly made-up exercises that I have a problem with, only people that take themselves seriously while doing them.  2) I need to take down that video because I’m tired of looking like a tool on the internet.  3) I’m an asshole (assholes usually think that they’re funny.)

PM

Snatch: took a pretty clean and routine 130, took a crack at 140 and missed, followed by a few drop sets at 110 and 120 for doubles.

Overhead squats: I’m not trying to be a Sally, but this gym doesn’t have any chalk so doing clean and jerks there is kind of a chore.  I decided to do some nice and easy overhead squats finishing at 170kg. and pausing at the bottom for a few seconds.

Got my functional jack with more muscle-ups and hanging windshield wipers.

Here it is.  More of me being fucking stupid.

I’d also like to say that I harbor no ill feelings towards any fellow brochacho.  The ultra functional bro has just as much right to be doing his thing as the Olympic weightlifting bro.  I just get a kick out of getting on my little online journal and all of the sudden thinking that I’ve got jokes.  I suppose the only usable advice that I could give is that if you are in a situation where this type of gym is the ONLY place that you can train (I’m assuming that anyone who actually reads this smut is probably interested in Olympic weightlifting) than I would suggest making friends with those like yourself and training in groups.  Going balls out in that environment by yourself is equivalent to the super hard-core cyclist bro doing 30 down a crowded shared pedestrian pathway.  Does he have every right to be there? Yes.  Is it appropriate? Not in my opinion.  My point is that people who wish to train harder than the standard norm need to find situations where they can do so without added distractions or interruptions.  Why set yourself up to be frustrated by people getting in your line of sight or doing curls on the platform when you could just as easily surround yourself with others more like yourself to avoid hassle and have a good time.  I just think you would look less odd if there were more of you.  Blend in.  Do some tricep kickbacks. You might even like it.