Elite PB and J.
June 28, 2011
So you’re broke again. Obviously wasting money on protein powder is out of the question. No worries, friend. Poor people can be elite too if you follow these step by step instructions:
1) Put on your singlet.
2) Get yoked.
3) Eat this:
HEAVY DUTY PB and J.
Don’t let it’s small size fool you. I used about a 1/4th of a jar of peanut butter on this bad boy. Don’t like jelly? No problem. This can be fixed by generously lathering 4 sides with Peanut butter (1 side of each on the outer slices and both sides on the middle slice), get 2 bananas, split them in half (so they fit in the bread), drizzle the inner layers with honey and then put it all together. You end up with a massive beast requiring an extra-large lunch pale. And don’t forget the most important part:
"GOT MILK, M**UHF**KA??"
AM
Power snatch: took it up to 110. Did a few more doubles at 70.
Power clean: Managed a single at 140 which made me happy. Took a few more triples at 100.
Rack supports/walkouts: Loaded up 240 just to see what it feels like and improve rack mobility. There are people on this earth that can clean and jerk that. Amazing.
Bench press: caught a pump at 135lbs.
PM
Power snatch took a much quicker and easier 110 and then missed 120.
Power clean: 2 singles at 140. These also felt a lot easier than this morning.
Press: (I usually do these and improve my rack position at the same time by walking it out in a full rack and then playing around with my hand position a bit.) Did a few sets of 5 and then worked up to a few reps at 90.
Posterior planches: I set up 2 benches, and planche in between them looking at the ceiling while holding a 20kg. plate.
Responsibility update: I already let all you guys in on my business so I may a well keep you up to date. I went down to Sac State today to get some information concerning my student status, financial situation, and my options for next semester. Even though I’m not enrolled in any classes this semester, I will still be able to register for classes in the spring if I want to attempt to finish up my BS (I plan on eventually doing this at some point). I checked with a councilor as well as online and I SHOULD be able to hold off on payments by taking classes at city if I take 6 units. I’m already enrolled in 4 which SHOULD take care of the last of my GE so I need 2 more units of nonsense to get my part time status. Beginning weight training anyone? And Apparently the only thing I need if I want to enroll in that EMT-Basic class (possibly in the spring) is to renew my CPR/First aid for the professional rescuer. I already had this but I think it expired. So I’m keeping my options open and most importantly I feel more in control. So I got that going for me. And obviously I’m going to keep weightlifting. I may not be the top weightlifter, but slangin’ kilos is what I do best. So I’m going to keep doing that until I’m the RICK ROSS of weightlifting.
Man the Eff Up.
June 27, 2011
I don’t know why I’m writing about this on the internet. Fuck it.
I’ve been working on my bachelors for 6 years (Stop it. I know). Both of my parents are nurses, so they “strongly encouraged” me to find something in the healthcare/science field to get a degree in. I did what I was told, and started working on prerequisite classes for the nursing program. But I couldn’t maintain a 3.5 GPA which is the minimum of what you need if you intend on getting into nursing school anywhere in California (my sister had above that and STILL had to travel out of state to get into a nursing program). I struggled trying to find something else in the healthcare field that was acceptable and finally settled on Exercise Science because I could tell my parents that it could help me get into PT school and I had already fallen in love with weightlifting which is kind of like exercising! So for a while I went around telling everyone that I was going to try and get into PT school knowing that I couldn’t (because of my grades) and didn’t really want to anyway. When people would ask me how much longer I had left in school, the response was usually, “a year and a half,” short enough to let people know that I had been working hard but long enough for them to forget before they ask again. My grades continued to drop. It’s not that the classes were too difficult for me; I just couldn’t force myself to put in any more effort than what was required to pass (that’s why my rapper alias is “SeeMinus”). I was too busy lifting weights and trying to get jobs at gyms so I could lift more weights, more often! I knew that I was far from competitive nationally, but that didn’t matter to me. What mattered was that I was improving and I loved what I was doing. About a year ago, I decided that going to school full-time was too much for me and with no end in sight I got less and less motivated (needless to say, that’s when I started lifting a lot heavier weights).
So that’s how I wasted the last 6 years: going to school, lifting weights, and working. I still live at my parent’s house (a fact that I either avoid or lie about in conversation with strangers). And I still don’t see graduation anywhere in the near future. So you can imagine how I felt when I got an e-mail from Sac State informing me that I had been dropped from all my classes because I never turned in some financial aid forms. I couldn’t care less. I enrolled in my nearest community college and paid for 1 class in the fall. There’s a good chance that I’ll have to start paying back for all those years I wasted at Sac State (I’m going to find out later this week if taking classes at city college will prolong the time until I have to start paying back.)
Needless to say, my parents are not pleased and I will most likely be looking for a place to live in the near future. I imagine the conversation would have went a lot better if I was better at weightlifting and if one could actually make a living off of being a good weightlifter. In their eyes, training people is not even a viable option, so I didn’t even bring it up. I had no response for why I’m so fixated on my current goals or what I expect to be able to do in the future. I’ve been told that I would make a good cop or alternatively, I have most (if not all) prerequisite classes for the Paramedic program at city college. I’m pretty sure I’m going to give this a shot. The process seems fairly simple. You take a 1 semester EMT-Basic class, pass the test, and then spend 1 year working as an EMT before you can enroll in the Paramedic program.
In any case, I’ve always been told that vocalizing my goals is a good way to put things in perspective.
So here they are:
1) I need to man the fuck up and get the fuck out of my parent’s house. I’ve said that before but my situation is pretty ridiculous (I’m fucking 24) and needs to be fixed if I’m going to be able to achieve anything. I make between 7 and 900 bucks a month and if I raise that to a steady 1,000, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to do it, even with the weightlifting trips. I’m giving myself a 6 month timetable for this. 6 months exactly. If I don’t do this in less than 6 months, I’m going to post a video of Jacob Tyspkin open hand slapping me in the face.
2) I need to man the fuck up and get my body ready for nationals. Honestly, since the meet I haven’t touched anything over 120kg until this morning. It’s like the last 6 months of training were undone in a week. Remember the part in Rocky III when he loses the eye of the tiger? That’s pretty much me except I wear a singlet. But I’m on the rebound and I’m angry. Nationals may not be my best meet, but if I can squeeze out a 140/170 total, that might be enough for me to place which is what I need to do to score team points, which is why I’m a 105+ in the first place.
3) I need to get my 150/180 THIS YEAR. If I can do that this year, then 160/190 by next year might not be too far of a stretch. And I need those numbers if I ever want to win anything.
4) I want to win a national meet. I’m tired of not winning. I want to win something.
5) I want to go to the trials in 2016.
6) While I’m doing all this, I need to figure out a steady way to support myself in the future. The paramedic route seems like a good option. Hopefully they don’t have a problem with me cutting off the sleeves on my uniform.
AM
Snatch: Took it up to 120, which is the most weight I’ve touched since the meet. Then took a few singles at 100.
Clean and jerk: Took this up to 120. It felt terrible, but after 5 or so reps, my body started to remember what a clean is supposed to feel like.
Squats: Took it up to 180.
PM
Snatch: Took it up to a much faster and easier 120, missed a 130 and then took a few more reps at 100.
Clean and jerks: Made a decent 140 and attempted 150. I worked back up on cleans for doubles making my 1st rep at 140 and missing my 2nd. I then took few more sets of 3 at 100.
Squats: I took it up to the same 180 but with no belt.
The weights may be light, but I can feel my body starting to respond the way it usually does, which is a good sign.
Real talk.
June 22, 2011
I feel seriously heavy duty over-trained. It sucks not working out. I feel like everything I do gets put on pause if I can’t. With nationals coming up in a few weeks, I’ve decided to cut my losses this week and try to get my act together by Saturday or Monday. I went to that cryotherapy place again today. I was able to do some hella elite air squats right after. I also went into the cryochamber in my singlet cuz I keeps it real. Real, real.
At least I think it’s just over-training. Maybe the flu?
Overconfidence.
June 21, 2011
Oh yeah, I have a blog.
Here’s a quick update.
1) I bombed out like a chump on my clean and jerks. I suspect it’s because I didn’t get any quality training in for most of the week due to achy knees (note the lack of workouts posted last week. That’s because there were none that I wouldn’t be embarrassed posting on the internet.) I thought that after freezing myself on Thursday and having that one decent workout I would be good. Nope.
“Your over-confidence is your weakness.”-Luke Skywalker.
2) I’ve only got a few weeks until nationals and I’m still not 100% healthy.
“RUH ROH!”
Scooby is concerned.
My current plan is to freeze myself a few more times and attempt to be up to full speed by next week. We shall see.
3) I bought this on DVD and it is currently en route to my house and I’m currently super excited . . . In a really manly “I don’t care when it gets here” sort of way.
AM
(1st workout since the meet. Knees are still really achy but shouldn’t be a problem if I take it easy for a few more days.)
Power snatch: 3×3 at 70, 3×1 at 90, 1 at 100.
Power clean and jerk: 3 at 120.
Press: 50 for a few sets of 8 or 10.
PM
Snatch: 120. Went back down and up to 120.
Clean and jerk: 120. It hurt too bad to F. Squat it. So I went down and up to 120 again with power cleans and then did pulls up to 150.
Outfit PR: spandex, baggy T and Ironmind headband.
Midtown Classic.
June 17, 2011
There’s going to be a meet at my home gym, Midtown Strength and Conditioning, tomorrow. If you’re in Norcal, it might be worth checking out. Glenn Pendlay is bringing The whole Cal Strength crew plus several guests who are excellent lifters. This team always puts on quite the show at local meets, so I think it would be worth the trip. On top of that, we have full sessions. You will see lifters across all skill levels (plus you will get to see my biceps).
"Oh, these? Don't you worry about these."
This week has been a pretty terrible week of training, but after that cryotherapy treatment yesterday, I was able to hit 130/170 for my 2nd workout. If I’m feeling “on” tomorrow, I’ll open at 140/170.
HERE is the info.
Do you have what it f**king takes!?
Plan B.
June 16, 2011
Today I checked out a cryochamber facility in Roseville. I was very disappointed. You see, this morning I gave up on trying to become an accomplished weightlifter. So the next best idea I could come up with was to freeze myself for about 25 years and hope that all the strong people have died off by then and I would live like a king. So basically, I wanted to combine the plots from “Demolition Man” with “Planet Hulk.” Instead I exited feeling amazing and pain free. So disappointed.
This is exactly what I looked like.
OK, serious mode engaged.
I checked out US Cryotherapy in Roseville. So legit. I tried out the cryochamber room as well as the localized treatment on both of my knees. I would recommend it to anyone who trains more then 6 times a week. Being in the chamber itself is kind of scary because you’re not quite sure if you are going to die or not. But there’s an attendant monitoring your every move and the results are well worth it. This video clip pretty much sums up my experience.
The Trap Cut.
June 15, 2011
(This is a post for anyone who wants to look like they’ve put on about 15lbs. of muscle in about 5 to 10 minutes.)
If you’ve ever been inside a high school weight room, you have seen the trap cut T-shirt (or what used to be a T-shirt). This is, in my opinion, the single best shirt alteration one could make to enhance one’s physique while getting huge. What it does is it draws the eyes outward directly to the shoulder girdle, which is now partially exposed enough to see the slope of the trapezius above the clavicle line, which visually adds roughly 15lbs. of imaginary muscle. The real trick is what I have labeled the “drape” effect. This is the distance between the trap and the material of the shirt resting on the shoulders. The greater the distance, the more yoked you will appear. Observe.
Boom.
This is what I would call a perfectly cut Trap shirt. A common misconception among gym goers is that “more is better” so often you are left with the “nipples exposed” trap cut or the “double cape” which is basically 2 halves of a shirt tied together. The point is to draw the eye to the traps. If you put the whole thing out there, then you leave nothing to the imagination. Remember, it is easy to take off too much! Take off the sleeves with the initial cut then try it on and decide if/where you need to even things out.
I would recommend wearing your trap cut anywhere you want to look like you mean business:
-An interview (This is a no-brainer).
-Casual Friday (everyone else looks like they came to party and you look like you’re about to do WORK. Instant. Promotion).
-While shopping (so no one will ask you any questions).
-While cooking (because everyone will want to eat what the big guy eats).
-A first date (also a no-brainer).
Things to say while wearing your trap cut:
-”Bro, you’re all up in my trapesphere.”
-Refer to yourself as the “air trapic controller.”
-And of course . . .
Do you have a favorite trap cut?
Where is the most inappropriate place you have worn a trap cut?
Toof Brush.
June 14, 2011
I experimented by using a tooth brush. It was fun.
Also, NPR is streaming Bon Iver’s new album. You can listen HERE if you’re into that sort of thing.
Guidelines for the Fat AND Muscular Guy #1.
June 13, 2011
(This is intended for the guy who is either already proportionally chubby and muscular or is just muscular but decided to stop trying to impress the ladies with his abz and instead chooses to eat at breakfast diners on a consistent basis and lift heavier weights.)
Dear friend,
Congratulations, you have muscles! Here’s the bad news: If you decided to get big and strong to try and impress the ladies, you have just wasted 5-10 years of your life. In truth, women don’t care how muscular you are or if you have visible abdominals, or how much ya bench, squat, snatch, or deadlift. In my experience, women either like “bigger” guys, or “smaller” guys. If a women is attracted to you when you weigh 225 and squat 500, then she’ll like you when you weigh 245 and squat 600. To her, it’s the same. Big is big. You will have close to the same amount of “ab-age” as you did before (or lack thereof) and as long as you continually push heavy weights around and stay in shape, you will always be a “bigger” guy. If you waste all your time trying to “stay lean” and compete with smaller guys, you will just be wasting your time on a losing battle. I’m not telling you to get fat. I’m just saying that I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum and it’s not that bad either way. So if your goal is to get stronger, don’t be shy about it. Get stronger. Your abz will be waiting for you when you decide to tighten up. Here’s 1 of a few tips to help you look presentable while you’re getting bigger and stronger . . .
Tip #1.
Lack of facial hair makes your face look fatter.
It turns out that they found razors and shaving cream on the island . . . Hurley knew better.
Whoever said that facial hair isn’t a substitute for a jawline probably wasn’t fat. This works especially if you have darker hair like mine. Grow out some shadow and maybe even some ‘stache and . . . Boom. You have cheekbones again.
Better than Yesterday.
June 11, 2011
I got my 1st 400lbs. clean (182kg.) It felt amazing. I can only imagine how good it’s going to feel when I actually get the jerk. I also clean and jerked 175 for a PR.
