Game: That Face.

November 20, 2014

Preface: if you are easily offended or experience heightened emotions while talking about diet, exercise or lifting weights, follow someone else’s blog.  This post contains humor.  

Coaching weightlifting does things to you.  It hardens your soul and turns your once pink, fluffy foundation that was once so full of life into cold granite.  Your objectivity will be rivaled only by the amount of difficulty you will find it to be impressed by anything.  You do your best to provide your lifters guidance through their learning and adaptation process, knowing full well that you experienced all of the same emotions and tendencies that they do.  Perhaps your new demeanor is pointed more at the memory of yourself than anyone else.  But sometimes you just can’t help but make . . .

that face.

Make no mistake, there is care and commitment to your progress in those eyes.  But there is also a quiet contempt and distain that can only be rivaled by your mother's glare when she found your stack of Playboy's hidden under your box spring.

Make no mistake, there is care and commitment to your progress in those eyes. But there is also a quiet contempt and distain that can only be rivaled by your mother’s glare when she found your stack of Playboy’s hidden under your box spring.

So here’s a game I made up.  It’s called “That Face” or “Coaches Face”  I haven’t decided which is catchier.  Feel free to play along in the comments section.  I may do more installments in the future.  This edition is dedicated (lovingly) to the new lifter (2 or less years).

When your new lifter:

1) Asks if he has time to use the restroom when he’s 3 attempts out.  

2) Sees youtube video.  Insists on switching to power or squat jerk.

3) reads “article.”  insists on “training like the Chinese.”

4) Complains that gym doesn’t have jerk blocks.  Best jerk is 275lbs.

5) Refuses to run team program.  Runs smolov.  Wonders why he misses 90%s. 

6) Pays obscene amount of money to watch a clearly geared lifter max out at seminar (this in itself is not necessarily negative).  Talks negatively about different lifter who is popped for PED use. (wat.)

7)  Doesn’t PR for 2 weeks.  Feels like he’s not making enough progress.

8) Refuses to do meet because he “isn’t competitive enough.”  

9) Insists on switching to split snatch because of femur length. (wat.)

10) Asks if you teach lifters to be “bangers” or “brushers.” (wat.)

That’s all I got for now.  I’ll post an edit if I think up a few more.

2 Responses to “Game: That Face.”

  1. bclaridad said

    Slams bar after PR snatch. Weight is 85kg.

  2. Markus said

    Start using expressions like ‘slam bars’ or think they need to psych themselves up for each lift like there’s no tomorrow..

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